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New Year’s resolutions are frequently predictable! Get in shape, go to the gym, lose weight, cut back on alcohol, call old friends, etc. We know, though, that while Gym memberships soar in January, attendance drops off quickly in February, diets last a few weeks at best, and most resolutions disappear before the month is through.
As we begin 2024, maybe we can think a little differently this time through. Let’s start with the common resolution of dieting: here are some things to “lose” and several to “put on”. (Spoiler alert: I find the goals that I’m about to list far more difficult than working out or any other goals.)
First, take off the TRIVIAL. All diets suggest getting rid of sugar and processed foods. From a spiritual/existential standpoint, get rid of the trivial “sugar” in your life. Kierkegarrd suggested that many of us are too easily “tranquilized by the trivial”: remember the mantra, garbage in, garbage out. Trivia does serve a purpose, which we often forget: It distances us from mortality, from introspection, and from the most important aspects of life that can themselves sometimes feel overwhelming.
Second, replace the trivial with that which moves you towards depth and introspection. As Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” The Franciscan writer Richard Rohr describes it as “falling upward”, moving away from goals and accomplishments and journeying inward: what exactly does that mean? Perhaps it means beginning to reflect on what is most important in life. It means asking what is really most significant and exploring that which gives meaning. The late theologian Paul Tillich, said faith is that which you are ultimately concerned with. Explore where your energy goes and ask whether it is going to that which you identify as most important.
Third, take off judgment and criticism. Our brains are wired towards the negative. It is too easy to move toward seeing the flaws in others, and putting them in easy and limiting categories. We label people as liberal or conservative, deep or shallow, successful or unsuccessful, etc. Too often we unconsciously attempt to elevate our self esteem by comparing ourselves to others and by focusing on their negative traits in an attempt to feel better about ourselves. Jesus talked about this over 2000 years ago by stating how easy it is to see the speck in our neighbors eye while ignoring the 2 x 4 in our own.
Fourth, put on curiosity and compassion. Sadly, curiosity and compassion are in short supply. Think about how rare it is to discover people who are curious and ask questions in an attempt to really get to know you. Think about how rare it is to find true compassion and deep empathy. Life is difficult and the world can seem dangerous and broken. In reality, most people are doing the best they can to get through life. Offer the gifts of curiosity and compassion and work on focusing on the positive traits in people instead of the negative.
Finally, turn down the narcissism! Many years ago, Chrisopher Lasch wrote an important book called Culture of Narcissism. Its themes have never been more relevant! In reality, we all can be a bit too self absorbed! Unfortunately, news reports and social media put that on steroids (do we really need to know about celebrity diets or workouts??). When we are truly honest with ourselves, we can acknowledge that none of us are really all that unique or important. We are all interconnected in ways we rarely understand. As the old rock group Kansas put it “all we are is dust in the wind”. Some of the research on happiness suggests that people who are truly happy are less focused on themselves, and put significant energy into building relationships and bringing out the best in others.
In all honesty, I find these goals difficult, and will most likely go back to my usual default of being critical, watching too much Netflix, and thinking I’m more important than I really am. That is the problem with resolutions; they fade quickly. So, write them down, review them, and ask someone you trust (in my case my wife) to keep you accountable to these goals.
Happy New Year!