Summary
With the new year comes time for reflection on what makes for truly meaningful change. In this new year, make a commitment to increase your use of the 4 C's: curiosity, compassion, comfort and courage.
Most New Year’s resolutions have a short shelf life. Gym memberships soar in January, only to be relatively empty by mid-February. Diet plans and self-help programs often start strong but have limited success, and the “wisdom” of social media offers no shortage of shallow goals for a better you.
Conventional wisdom suggests that habits take about 90 days to form, and James Clear, in his bestseller Atomic Habits, encourages starting small and building incrementally. Yet most resolutions and goals remain fairly self-centered, focused primarily on individual accomplishment.
What if we thought about goals differently?
What if we considered the wisdom of the late Trappist monk Thomas Merton on self-forgetfulness, and began with the reality that we are part of an anxious, pained, and deeply interconnected world? What if our goals focused less on self-improvement and more on positively impacting the systems we belong to—family, work, and the larger culture? What if our goals were more relational and outward-facing rather than inward and self-focused?
Consider a different kind of commitment—one that shapes identity and changes how we live in the world and in our relationships. Consider four commitments meant to be lived out relationally:
- A commitment to curiosity rather than judgment.
Walt Whitman was known for the idea that curiosity can lead to empathy and understanding. His famous line, “Be curious, not judgmental,” was later popularized in the award-winning show Ted Lasso. In a culture filled with strong opinions and quick judgments, practice curiosity as a form of “not knowing,” and explore where the other person is coming from. - A commitment to compassion.
Meister Eckhart, the 14th-century mystic, wrote, “Whatever God does, the first outburst is always compassion.” Practice compassionate listening and gentleness in your relationships. - A commitment to comfort.
The breathtaking aria in Handel’s Messiah proclaims, “Comfort ye, comfort ye my people.” In a world full of pain, suffering, and sadness, offer comfort. Every small act of kindness matters. - A commitment to courage.
In our angry and partisan world, it takes courage to live counter-culturally. It takes courage to be curious. It takes courage to turn the other cheek. It takes courage to practice kindness and compassion rather than always prioritizing our own needs.
As we enter 2026, perhaps we can think differently about goals and resolutions. Perhaps we can take seriously the quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Happy New Year!
