Summary
Back to school is a hard time of year for many families and can create worry and anxiety. Here are some things families can do and ways families can know when to get more help.
The beginning of a school year asks a lot of families. There are schedules to coordinate, routines to reestablish, and new expectations to navigate. Alongside the excitement, there may also be worry, frustration, or exhaustion… and that goes for parents, too!
Not every difficult feeling means something is wrong, though. Transitions take energy. Our work is to help our children learn that they can face something difficult, think through what is happening, and reach for support when needed. Much of that learning happens through how we work through those moments with them.
Begin with yourself. When our children are upset, it is easy to rush into fixing, persuading, or worrying alongside them. Their struggles can bring our own sensitivities and histories to the surface. A parent who was bullied, for example, may hear about a friendship problem and respond to both their child’s experience and the pain of their own.
Pausing to ask, “What am I hearing from my child, and what am I bringing to this?” gives us room to recognize the difference. The more we understand what gets stirred up in us, the more choice we have in how we respond.
Of course, we will not always do this well. The good news is, we can come back: “I’m sorry. I got upset earlier, and I don’t think I really listened. Can we try again?” Taking responsibility for our reactions gives our children an example of how to take responsibility for theirs. We need relationships that support this work too; with a partner, friend, counselor, or another trusted adult.
Make room to understand. As we become more aware of our own reactions, we create more space to be curious about our child’s experience. “What are you looking forward to, and what feels uncertain?” invites more than asking whether school was “good.” They may not want to talk right away. Sometimes the conversation happens later, while driving, walking, or making dinner.
We do not need the perfect response. “That sounds hard. Tell me more,” can be enough to begin. Listening means taking their experience seriously, even when we see things differently. From there, we can help them think through options while leaving room for their ideas and growing independence.
Let that understanding guide your family’s rhythm. These conversations can help us notice where everyday life needs adjusting. Is the morning too rushed? Does our child need a little time alone after school? Have activities crowded out sleep or time together?
Choose a few routines your family can realistically maintain, such as preparing for mornings the night before or leaving some downtime after school. Involve children in planning and give them responsibilities they can manage. A routine is most useful when it responds to what the family needs and leaves room to adjust as those needs change.
Keep the bigger picture in view. Some difficulties will call for support beyond what we can change at home. Friendship problems, classroom demands, transportation challenges, changing work schedules, and financial strain all affect how children and families are doing. Looking at that context helps us understand where support is needed.
Building relationships with school staff gives us people to think alongside. Help your child identify a trusted adult at school, and approach concerns with curiosity: “Here’s what we’re noticing. What are you seeing?” Include your child’s perspective as you work together to understand what might help.
Recognize when more support is needed. Even with thoughtful attention at home and school, a child may continue to struggle. Reach out when changes persist, worsen, or interfere with attendance, learning, friendships, or family life. Withdrawal, loss of interest, significant sleep or eating changes, frequent physical complaints, or increasing difficulty getting to school deserve attention. A school counselor, your child’s doctor, or a family therapist can help you consider next steps. You do not have to wait until things are unmanageable.
Asking for help is part of what we hope our children will learn, and we teach that by being willing to do it ourselves. We cannot know everything they will face this year, and we will not always know exactly how to help. But we can keep working on how we show up: willing to listen, take responsibility, think alongside them, and bring others in when needed. Through those experiences, our children can begin to find their footing, and we can keep finding ours.
*Additional supports available in our community:
- Your school: A teacher, counselor, social worker, psychologist, or nurse. Be curious and engage these supporters when you’re noticing changes and are concerned.
- Your child’s doctor: To explore emotional concerns, possible physical contributors, and next steps.
- A child or family therapist: At Samaritan, we approach children and families from a special lens and provide support to help treat the whole family system to better support everyone’s needs.
- Community support: Call 211 or visit 211.org for help locating food, housing, utility assistance, and health services.
- Immediate support: Call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org, for free, confidential support at any time, including concerns about a loved one. Talk of suicide, self-harm, or harming others requires prompt professional help. For immediate danger or a life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to your local emergency room.
